Letter 2, to M.

Martin, Enora and Aida. Painting by Marie Jane (for sale)

The power you leave in me is so young,
its fading out as i become vulnerable
and am i even still aloud to worry about you,
now that you take care of a part of me?
now that the trust is gone?
I wont be left useless.
and i have surrendered to you now that i am stripped from any defense
are you going to treasure that insanity that resides in the walls i've built for myself.
the ones i've built to lean on
The lines between friendship and more have been blured out,
but i guess i can manage a friendship more than anything else
and if we happen to manage through this
then nothing might shatter us down the peices i
need to mend in myself have always been there.sorry if i startled you with my weekness
sorry if i seemed so real
you were never one of those who changes
we were in this together.
i needed it to be that way.
the days can get so long.
without you i searched myself in everyone.
i was the only one to blame.
should i have told you more about who i was before showing you who i really am
I felt you loose me that one time
While i was to busy escaping thoughts i was'nt strong enough to face
Had someone ever need you so much in a moment, though?
And now that I am only that thought to you
Should i feel honnered you are still here? unpowered.
But, i wont accept feeling weeker.
i shouldnt have to sink so low.we were once equal lying on someone's bed talking.
all these things i should have told you before
might have cleared the hole thing out for you my habbits,
my thoughts,my relationship
with faith.
with trust.
with fears.
that i hid to seduce you to get that attention i wanted.
but i guess i have grown away from those games now.
i need real relationships.
real conversations,
real moments of happieness.
and i shouldnt be scared of loosing you because i seam to insane
or loosing you because i am not quite as secure as most.
because i sometimes need to have my hand held.
and i shouldnt be scared of loosing you.
I don't want to force things although i want to be there for you.
There is nothing that i shouldnt be able to tell you, or hear from you.
I want to know everything.
I want you to feel as safe with me as you used to make me feel.

I want to laugh about it all.