Mother.

And sometimes the need of feeling someone's presence reminds me
how i dont even feel my own.
and the reflections that apear are only partially present
when you stare you cant even see the shadows
then the images you think are so reliable fade out
and you are only the illusion of yourself
somhow i feel mad.
then i deconstruct the anger slowly and associated it with the deep feeling
of cold indifrence i found in the drug
the thing is i cant see where i stand
is it the overload of substance in my blood that makes me explode in a profound need for feeling when i am finally sobered up or is it simply a return to the introduction
to the origin.
I bathe in this frustration as if they still owed me somthing.
something that cannot be replaced by those things they treated me to
and that way they smile when they make beleive they are proud of some acheivement they never fully understand the meaning of
look at me
look at what your daughter has productivly spread out.
a series of images of my truth.
and the essence of my dream land.
the one in which values are opitions and choices are never the end
hate today
adore tomorrow
the fine line between selfpitty and selfwoth
adore me
becaus i sadly still despise myself.
god forbit you should touch you're daughter's skin
or hold her in your arms
it would bring the ice to water and perhaps make your eyes fload.
there once was a little princess that was verry strange.
no one seamed to grasp her essence therefore they sent her away
will you place me in their hands?
let them caress my anxiety attacts and rest in your acomplishements.
your reward for hard work.
is not to have to deal with anything you do not have to see
don't askdon't know.
keep your distance my dear old woman
keep away before i might bite.
then you might loose your mind
and become mortal after all